I miss you

I have always had difficulty with the whole I miss you thing. i rarely miss people and if I do miss them they were important. Like i used to see them everyday or regularly and now I dont. We used to hang out and now we dont. We used to talk frequently and now we dont. I just really despise how loosely the word is thrown around. Ive always been the type to say what I mean and mean what I say. So it is with clenched teeth and and awkward smile I sometimes respond I miss you. What are you supposed to say when someone you dont miss says I miss you. Say "awww thats so nice." Believe me I have tried almost every avoidance technique. They usually dont go over to well

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Valentine

I love you extraordinarily
Because ordinarily
The the things you do, wouldnt be for me
Usually
I would be done you see
But your the exception to my rules
Ill be the dummy, yup im the fool
For you, Love made me stupid
Yea he got me,
Shot me
Dat nigga cupid
And so I love you
Your my valentine
Automatically be mine
Through the good bad,happy,sad
Shoot all time
And thats fine

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To Much to Know To Little Time

There is a wealth of information circulating in this world. Knowledge that has been passed down though the ages and recent discoveries emerging daily. How to do we sift through tons of information and only decipher what is relevant and useful. There so many things I would like to know and yet I am burdened with thought that I may never really get to understand all of them. I read books, blogs, magazines, newspapers, texts, everything! I cant get enough. Then there are the topics in school that I have to grasp as well. Its like when will I experience and overload.

What am I going to do with all this information. Sometimes this whole school thing makes me forget about the real world because I don't always get to apply my knowledge. It feels like I learn for nothing. Then I get my "real world" experiences through internships or whatever, but I don't really feel like I am applying the knowledge either. I feel yet again, uninvolved, the sideline observer. The learner, the sifter of information ( that I don't use, I just gather). I want to do something with the things that I know. Otherwise, it is all just sitting here in my head. What to do? What to do? Start my own? I plan on it. But I also still feel like I don't know enough to start my own, sooo then I go back again with the school learning. UHHHH! Maybe I should just throw myself out there. On the job training. Have to think on my feet. That is the true test. Right? Or is preparation the only way to go? Well back to preparing for now, I have to go read my text book and write notes.

School over Bspot Today.

Cant stop wont stop, time doesn't stop

What is Lonely...

The difference between yesterday and today is

Today I am alone

only because you are not physically by my side

In Yesterday's I was LONELY

Living

Only

Never

Ever

Loving

You

from that state of yesterday to this one today

I know I can survive

Loneliness forever subsides

Alone and I Cant wait for your return to Me my LOVE

I just want to Touch YOU

The littlest things

I swear some of the most smallest things bring joy to my day. I have decided to compile a list and reflect on the littlest things that make me smile.

Great Melt-in-your-mouth-sleep-induced-itis FOOD

Pillows

Christmas mints (The soft chewy ones, I get them every year)

Surprise baked soft n gooey cookies (chocolate chips are the bests)

Bubble baths

Flowers in an inappropriate or not typical settings (like in cracked concrete, or sad areas)

Homeade goods (funky jewelry, clothes, cool stuff etc)

Fluffy blankets

The Breeze

Colors

The Sun on a Spring Day (moderate temperature)

The rain on Summer nights

Smooth music

Painting my nails (or someone painting them for me :))

Dancing

Singing really loud for no reason

Holding Hands

Good smelling lotions and perfumes

Spontaneous missions

Calypso and Soca

Moments with the family

Drawing and Painting

Hanging out/partying with friends

Great Conversations

Undivided attention

Books, that make me mesmerized

Laughing Hard

Big Hugs

Long Kisses

Back Rubs, shoot Body Rubs

Good Movie

my sisters face, and laugh

my brothers talks

The Triangle

Love

Saying you'll be there, and be there

reliability ( like how I know no matter what, Daddy is coming through)

Mommy being silly

Listening

Pancakes (so many last min trips to Ihop)

Waffle House too!!

Accents

Outrageous, Big and Gaudy rings

Shopping

The perfect fit

pretty lipstick

Nights in with my girls, just sitting chilling and talking

Relaxing with my babe

Joking with my babe

Talking with my babe

_____with my babe

being with my babe

My babe

LLS!

Being mad at my babe, then not

A good cry, the crazy faces I make in the mirror during and after LOL

Going to the Park and playing

Swings!

eating in general

Carnival

There is more but I have to get back to my work now. I have passed my get work done deadline twice. Shit!

Ill do part 2 some other time

Damn Bspot

You made me feel good though

MMM

Nothing in particular

I dont have anything really to talk about right now. I am just sitting here in my apt. sipping on some sangria, supposed to be working on this presentation, but not. I don't know why I get so distracted from my work sometimes. I don't even really feel like doing it. I kind of want these next ten months to go by fast, which they probably will because that is how life goes, but on the other hand I don't because I don't know what in the world I will do after these months are over. I don't know if I am truly maximizing my time here. Then again Im not sure how to maximize my time here. I have an internship now. I have school and yet Im not sure if I am doing the right things. Sometimes I long to home so bad, but for what. What am I possibly going to do that is sooooo much better then what I am doing now. Nothing. I would be in the same predicament; trying to figure it out. LOL. Is this how life goes. Honestly I have started to think about joining the military. That would give me structure, money, and something to do with myself. Would I love it? Probably not. Would I like it. In ways I would. I could make it work. I could make anything work as long as I can pay my bills. Well i couldnt make being a stripper or prostitute work, but other than that I pretty flexible. I could make anything work that wouldnt disturb my self-love.

Sometimes I wish I could just escape the world with some special person, go re-populate our special island, eat, drink and be merry. I understand why the hippie movement started. So chill! Fry some brain cells, have fun, support some cause, sway to music, and live. I should start a new hippie movement. Who cares about the country's financial problems or the recession. Who needs war. Lets just hold hands and have peace n love. Listening to the Beatles right now BTW! I rub your back you rub mines and lets have a good time. GRoovY BaBy!

I understand the plight of my age group. Of course because I am in it. We are stuck between childhood and real life and both sides are pulling on us. We have to decide am I going to grow up and become the adult or try to maintain childhood just seeking fun and merriment. I sooooo want to choose the latter sometimes.

Anywho

Next song just came up on my Itunes. Beyonce He's my man. What a joke. This message she is giving young women. She is talking about how other women, I am assuming her friends, are pointing out the flaws in her man, but she doesnt care because of the way he makes her feel. No matter what she gonna be there. What the hell! See this is why us young women are fools. We go off what He makes us feel. He makes a feel good and special, but what about the other crap he does....Lol...but hey Beyonce says no matter what be there...haha! Then she wants to talk about how she doesnt want to be the Broken-hearted girl. My itunes mix is trying to make a funny. Showing her hypocrisy. I probably should stop listening to her right now though. I am liable to cry. haha!

bye Bspot clearly the sangria is starting to talk to me.

kisses n hugs!

Bereft

Bereft

left without you

my possession

Disappearing acts

magician

now here now not

Decisions

Should I stay Should I go

never know

what future holds

Crossroads

dizzy with consternation

evasion

accepting resolve

pining for change

no evolving

the same

Longing

Bereft

I was just thinking about this time in my life. Sometimes I feel like i missing something. Thats why I thought of the word Bereft which means (as told by webster) deprived or robbed of the possession of something; lacking something needed, wanted or, expected. I guess Im searching for the missing link or piece. I'll find it eventually...

BSpot Chillin..

toodles