sick love

Sick love

Thought this pit in my stomach

empty feeling

was cause i was hungry

Thought this dizzy and weak

uneasy feeling

was cause i had a headache

I thought this pain in my side, felt like someone took the wind out of my life

was cause someone knocked me over

I thought this zombie like, stuck emotions

stiff thing I got going on

was cause I didn't get enough sleep

but then I remedied those feelings

I ate, drugged up, relaxed, laid down, took a nap

woke up

and realized this is was those r&b songs were talking about

when your heart is heavy and the air is thick

when your constantly thinking and suffering

This is what it is to be love sick

Got the memories on replay

tears gathering at eyes corners

Cant eat

Cant sleep

Vomit, trying to throw you up and and out of my system

wipes face, and stares at the mirror

not really looking in the mirror, for who is me

the picture is convoluted

Look at what the fuck fate did.

forced smiles

shrugs shoulders

no answers

just lost

still wondering

lonely arms

longing lips

feeling like a fool

sitting

staring

counting down

circles round and round

Endless rollercoaster

mania

depression

learned lessons

not

confused faces

brows furrowed

spontaneous half smiles

regular frowns

the are you okay's

you dont look good

thats cause i just dont feel good

The many Leave Me alones

Living just to get by to the next day

Going through the motions as clocks are ticking in the background

feeling every moment, long drawn out

life is passing

fall into slumber to be taken away

dreams and the past seems so pleasant

Forever damaged and never the same

whimpering again

damn Just finished

Hate this feeling

get wasted

immunity it gives

truce comes with the numbness

Then feeling resurfaces

lock me in a mental institution

evidence of my insanity

feel so crazy

BABY...

This is kind of dark for me. I was trying to capture the essence of illness and the feeling that one feels with love lost. Its crazy how emotions can translate into physical pain. I want to expose the poignancy of how love lost causes a gamut of emotional turmoil...It is very obvious is this poem, nothing just suggested... In the same way those feelings and pain are very real.

Thoughts for today

I am blessed. I had originally started this post and it was too negative. I was talking about how I am in a state of unrest. Turned off by what am doing and ready for the next. Then I thought, you know what, it all could be a whole lot worst. At least I am doing something. Though I am not doing exactly what I would like to do, maybe it is preparing me for what is to come. I am anxious for the future, but in due time things will unfold. I am glad to be alive and breathing! I love myself and am optimistic about future endeavors. I have said before life is not easy and that is why only the strong survive. That starts with a strong mind; a clear, untainted by substances, focused and positive mind. I want more than this. I Can Do All things Through Christ who strengthens me.

**Encouraged**

Sólo Tu

Come to me as only you can

I tremble at your embrace

I hold you tight just in case, you forget my touch

I hold you tight because I must

I want my love ingrained

imprinted on your canvas

a spot that fills and grows

like ink on a medium that absorbs, it overflows

other than me, only you know

the secrets

our private delights

mornings, noons, nights

You are exquisite

I crave your taste

only it does satisfy

Ill take anything, with You Laced

euphoria

passion

expression

you send me reeling

repeatedly

continuously

endlessly

I want this, an enduring feeling

breathless,

I am left breathless

endorphins racing

I am high

bursting with all the all the emotions I feeling inside

hmmm

sólo tu

Words

For every word you've said

its hard to believe them

Its probably because its hard to see them

Words

Words

Words

irrefutable, not

for every one I can make case for the opposite

but to you, your love is supposed to be obvious

No

Cant be

when every Word

is laced with visual contradictions

evidence seen, weighs more than that which is just heard

Trying to believe

Trying to have faith

Trying to trust

but when the past replays its song

and Doubt plays its somber yet shrill and striking tones

Its hard not to listen

Its hard to forget

That Words were said before

and thats just what they were

Words.

Dreaming

Tired of Dreaming

Want my imagination's plans to be realized

Tired of Dreaming

figments of my mind need to be tangible

I want to touch them

I want to feel them

I want to live them

Tired of Dreaming

Cause it all feels so far away

been dreaming to long

when will i wake up and really live

Old fashioned

I was able to go to my friend's Easter dinner with her family. I was graced to be able to meet her great-grandmother. She was the cutest old lady! Still up and running, talking, smiling, very active. I loved it. I aspire to be like that at the age. We were sitting by the piano looking at old pictures and there was one with her and her husband. As we were looking she tenderly grabs the picture and explained that this was her and her late husband in their younger years. I looked at her gazing at the picture and all I could see was love. I was Wowed!. She further explained more about him and then told me she was a romanticist. She then started talking about how much she loved him. She said she worshipped the ground that man walked on. I thought it was soo beautiful. I wanted to write something about it, and I will Im just not going to post it yet. I felt the love bubbling over though. It was crazy, like how is something so enduring, even after your partner passes away, that another individual can feel it.

It is rare to see that with us younger folk. Some how back then people understood (not all people of course) the WE concept. We are so individualistic and selfish nowadays that we don't always consider the greater priority, the US, that we have decided to commit ourselves to. We are so focused on how I am feeling and how the other person is making OurSelf feel that we cant get further or deeper, for the greater good. Sacrifice is a foreign concept, and both parties must adhere to it. Sacrifice doesn't mean changing who you are, it just says I making adjustments to my individual ways so that we can be, and so you can be in my life. For some reason, older folks are used to making adjustments.

Id rather be old fashioned. They lasted longer.

and now ladies and gentleman, Cee Lo Green, with Old Fashioned...

My loves' old fashioned
But it still works
Just the way it is.

This love is classic
And not just simply because
I say it is.
It's right on time (right on time)
And it's timeless (timeless)
And it'll be right here, for always.

My loves' old fashioned
So be it, I'm set in my ways.
Hush child, just listen
Don't it sound just like the good old days.

Well it's right on time (right on time)
And it's timeless (timeless)
And it'll be right here, for always (always).
My love's right one time (right on time)
And it's timeless (timeless)
I'll be right here for always.

Oooo... people they gather round, and they wonder how
Are we in love right here and now.
I just smile cause true love doesn't go out of style.
Ooh... right on time, Ooh, yes,
Ooh... on time, ooh timeless
I'll be here, for always.

Toodles Bspot...

Daily

Wake up in the morning still taste you on my lips

smile, wait a while

just savoring your kiss

close my eyes again so my senses can distinctly detect each flavor

open the eyes again smile again

send up silent prayers thanking your maker

turn over

look over

chuckle at your disposition

your coverings everywhere

looking disheveled

reminiscing about what got you there

we took it to so many levels

rest my head on your chest

squeeze you, your mines and Im yours

trail my fingers, up then down

memorizing your every contour

hold you like I am never letting go

daydreaming about the future that may unfold

fall back into slumber as the rise and fall of your chest takes me away

Drifting, but comforted knowing, I can wake up to this everyday